I negotiate the rough waters between the lofty ideals of spiritual, unconditional love and the very real emotions of jealousy, hatred, anger and longing. The presence of my new spirit guide really helps me. Unlike Sophia, he doesn’t talk much. His is a presence that makes me feel love whenever. You can say he is love itself. In the presence of love itself, I get glimpses of the possibility that there really is such a thing as unconditional love. I’m hopeful that one day, I can be like my spirit guide too.
I am on Facebook and see a series of photos of Otis with his friends, one of which is the other woman. My heart leaps into jealous rage. The Black Witch unleashes a torrent of insults aimed at Otis. The Prostitute tosses Otis’s hat into the trash bin. The Inner Child sinks into sadness.
Using the tools I learned a few years back, I stop the Black Witch by dancing while she screams. I retrieve Otis’s hat and place it out of sight, then I go into meditation in an attempt to get rid of that heavy sadness.
When my daughter Weixin was thirteen, she fell in love with a classmate of hers. One night, she begged me to drive her by his house. As we drove past, she leaned on the car window, pining for her boy. She looked so love sick that I suggested we pretend to visit the boy’s mother so that she could catch a glimpse of him him. Weixin was horrified, “No! Mom! Don’t you understand? I love him so much, I don’t even need him.”
This memory of Weixin, helps me understand that staying in love means putting some distance between my many selves and my man. I stop tracking him on social media, I stop reading his blogs, I stop looking at his Instagram. I love him. I don’t need any other information.
We talk less and less. I let go of Otis. I let go of my need to touch him and see him. Strange days! It is strange to practice unconditional love without a physical body to hold on to. And, in a way, it’s easier. Without Otis, I can work on my Self. It’s between me, my Black Witch, my Prostitute, my Inner Child and the Mother inside of me.
Time flies by. It’s been almost a year since Otis left that one cold night in February. Ironically, our separation increased my love for him. I’m evermore certain that he is my twin flame, my soulmate and that we have a great future together as a couple. All that jazz is true! I just don’t have any physical proof for my love.
I love him so much, I don’t even need him. Wow!
Many ancient cultures, the Mayans, the Ancient Egyptians, the Chinese, and the Native Americans all predicted that the Winter solstice of 2012 (December 21, 2012) would be the end of time. What exactly ends on that date and what happens after leaves a giant question mark. The New Age community is full of excitement, fear and confusion.
I receive invitations to gather at ancient Mayan sites. However, I feel downtown Los Angeles is home. I decide to give a grand party to celebrate. I take great delight in the preparations, sending word to the street that any homeless person can come to eat and party with us on this special night.
I feel wistful that Otis won’t be with me. Time is about to end, whatever that means. He is my soulmate and we are apart while he is with another woman. My physical love life and my etheric love life are diametrically opposed.
The night before the Mayan clock ticks to a stop, my phone rings. It’s Otis! “I’m in Tepoztlan,” he tells me. Thousands have gathered there in Mexico to receive the end of time. The town and the ruins must be magnificent settings for such a big day.
We talk for a minute before Otis begins to cry. Not only is he surrounded by sincere truth seekers, but he’s also surrounded by the mad, the confused, by ghosts and by demons. He becomes quiet. I wait with my heart in my mouth. Then the words come, “If the world should end on this night, I’d like to be with you.”
My heart aches hearing this. It is as if my heart is surrounded by thorns. Now I truly understand the painting that my new spirit guide has shown me; Jesus with his heart wrapped in thorns. Love, in the deepest sense, is not pleasant, not comfortable. Love hurts! Love is a mighty force!
I start to cry, which makes him cry some more. We are like little children crying our hearts out. “I love you” and “I love you, too” is all we can say between big sobs.
So…the Funkmeyer End of Time Party has two hosts! Otis and I serve raw chocolate and smoothies to the homeless. Friends, family and strangers come by all day and night. I read excerpts from The Starseed Transmissions, a book by Ken Carey that was channeled from angels:
Life will be simple and easy. Problems will fall away like dust from your eyes, and the glory of the New Reality will begin to shine forth in all that you do. With great clarity and peace, you will do what needs to be done. Life will begin to work extraordinarily well. Thus will be the fruit of restoration, the fruit of your return. Already the rivers run with life and the cities sparkle like diamonds for those with eyes to see!
By 11:11pm the house is packed and rocking out with our dancing, juggling, Irish fiddling and stand-up comedy! We bang on drums, gongs, bells and a huge heart chakra bowl! There is loud yelling and chanting. We join our voices in a full blast sing-a-long of The Age of Aquarius by the 5th Dimension:
Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revelation
And the mind’s true liberation
At midnight, we become quiet and go deep into a collective meditation for world peace. When the meditation ends, we sing Imagine by John Lennon.
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…
That night Otis and I are again one, in love.