28 Love Itself

While my mind whirls around like tumbleweeds, I notice there is a part of me that is unaffected and uninvolved with the ever-unfolding drama.

I feel Philip by my side at his 2 o’clock position. He is beaming a steady stream of love. “In a past life, you were a Roman solider who killed many monks. In this life, you have a new chance to end the cycle of violence.” His message, like thorns, cuts my heart. This way of loving is not familiar to me. I feel empty inside while simultaneously feeling a sense of elation. I don’t understand myself anymore.

I have done my best to show unconditional love to Otis. Whatever he does in response is his business. He will prove whether or not he is my soulmate, twin flame, creative partner, business partner, lover, son and father all rolled into one–or not! I’ve done my part. My part is to love him.

A few days later, I am sitting in my living room after a meditation. Suddenly, I see Philip with my third eye but I might as well be seeing him with my physical eye as he looks so real and physical. This time he is a fifteen year-old boy who is tall, thin and with a bit of scruff on his cheeks. He looks totally different to the monk I saw in the Basilica but I know it is him.

He walks leisurely across the living room towards the bedroom, crossing the couch I am sitting on. Just before he enters the bedroom, he looks back at me and throws me a casual glance before he goes away. The look he gives me is electrifying. A teenage boy in love. His entire being is taken over by the love he feels. He doesn’t even exist in his own gaze, there is no thought of himself, all his attention is on me. His love is perfection, the most treasured thing in all of creation!

Philip’s face reminds me of Otis, when we first met six years ago. He was only 26 years-old and in love for the first time since his teenage love affair fizzled. He was in the complete grip of puppy love and in complete devotion to a girl and I was that lucky girl. In those early days, Otis had that stupefied look of love on his face.

This experience showed me what love actually means. Love has no mind. It doesn’t matter where Otis is and who he is with. We’re still in love. Love is love and that’s it.

Yes! Love is all there is. Love is all. Love is. Love. That’s it. No change. Love just is. I’ve found it! The love that is me. I am love. I love my Self!

I feel good. I’m the shit! The bomb! Holy shit, love is an incredible high! I feel like I did at the Basilica San Paolo, when I discovered the exact meaning of love. I feel it again! I am love itself!

I bolt upright, raise both my arms and scream:

BAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHH!!!!!

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