23 The Lucy and Tizzy Really Awful Show

When Otis was a wee child, he would throw tantrums, kick and bite. That’s when his classmates would call him “Tizzy-Fit.”

We are in Berlin – the site of humanity’s most recent collective horror. We tour the location of the underground chamber where Hitler committed suicide. We walk along the Berlin Wall that once divided the city.

Most of the city was wiped out by revenge. Not many things are over 60 years-old. Interestingly, life has flourished here vigorously in recent years. Berlin has a feeling much like Los Angeles. I like LA because it is the newest city in America. Not much in LA is over a hundred years old. I love Berlin for the same reason. It’s one of the most futuristic cities I’ve been to.

We had passed through all of the old, grand European cities and were robbed by Gypsies and challenged to fights by drunkards along the way. But in Berlin, despite people reeking of alcohol, I felt no sense of violence. I have actually never felt safer. I think it’s because Germany has taken responsibility for their violent actions. They apologize and they don’t want their past to ever repeat itself. In the deepest part of their souls, Germans know the consequences of violence.

While still paying penance, Germany appears to have moved on, making the best out of dark times by staying focused on what’s ahead. We meet up with many new pioneer thinkers who seem to be the new Rudolf Steiners, Nikola Teslas, Rudolf Diesels, Fritz Langs and Albert Einsteins.

The city is not only clean and beautiful, it’s very efficient. There are many incredible coffeeshops of every kind. I go to write in a Communist Russian coffeeshop, an intimate romantic coffeeshop, a futuristic Scandinavian coffeeshop and a coffeeshop filled with pink hearts and blue stars. All over town, there are young people mingling, talking and hanging out in parks. There is a lot of drinking but it’s out in the open. I feel an incredibly vibrant life. People are proud of their history in Europe. Not here. Berlin is not interested in her past. Germany is looking forward. In this way, Berlin inspires me to really do something about the Black Witch and her lover, the Black Wizard, inside of Otis.

My theory is that the hateful psyche inside of us is real and that this emotion must have an outlet.

The Black Witch, whom I call Lucy after Lucy Van Pelt of the Peanuts, and Tizzy are two lovers. I want to make a video that allows Lucy to love Tizzy and Tizzy to love Lucy in their own way. This show is my radical acceptance of our hateful selves.

I tell Otis my idea and, as always, he is game. One of the many things I love about Otis is that he is always game for new adventures. Tizzy and Lucy sit in a coffeeshop to write a scene from their life. Tizzy listens to Lucy’s idea. “I, Lucy, am at home, a stone cave, cooking meat. Tizzy walks in and immediately starts to yell, ‘Hungry! Hungry! Hungry!’ When he sees me he says, ‘Waaaaaaaaaa!’ and burns me with a great ball of fire. I jump away.”

Otis says, “Waaaaaaaaaait a minute! A ball of fire means we need to shoot this on a green screen!”

I look at him, feeling in love and say, “Yes, let’s find a green screen studio.”

Otis says, “Bet there is one just around the corner.”

We’re staying in Kreuzberg, a neighborhood filled with artists and designers of every kind. Sure enough, there is a green screen studio just a short bike ride from our apartment.

I want to rent the studio for the day to take my time and enjoy the shoot. Otis is the cheapest man in the world – oops, Lucy got my tongue – I mean to say, Otis only rented the studio for one hour. That means we have to shoot fast. I can do that, I am a seasoned filmmaker. No problem!

Costume! The most important part of any video! I wear a vintage forest green army jacket that cost a fortune from a beautiful vintage store. The Prostitute says, “Oh god, vintage stores are the best in Berlin.”

Make-up! The second most important part of any video shoot! In the make-up room, I stare into the mirror, my eyes are frighteningly big, encased by thick black eyeliner. Suddenly, the Black Witch sneers and looks back at me. Lucy is alive! A bit nervous, I let out a huge evil laugh and run out of the dressing room, right into a pair of bare feet. My eyes travel up to two skinny legs in thin black tights and a black rain poncho with a huge black hood. It’s Otis as Tizzy! He looks so funny in his cheap outfit. The entire get-up costs him less than two dollars. Oh, how I love my new Black Wizard! In this life, he is not a big fat drunk but a fiscally responsible businessman.

Action! “Waaaaaaaaa!” Lucy jumps away from the fire, which Tizzy throws at her. For now, it’s all in our mind but Otis will add in the special effects later. Back to the fun!

Lucy looks over at Tizzy with a hatred that only makes him laugh uproariously. Lucy returns to her cooking and behind his back, takes out a big jar of poison, sprinkles it onto the meat and then serves it to him. Tizzy devours it and falls down choking. He manages to throw the biggest fireball of his pitiful life at Lucy. She burns up while he rolls around in the final moments of his life. Cut!

Afterwards, we hole up in another quaint coffeeshop to edit the piece. The Wounded Mother, who is also a filmmaker, loves her man Otis who is a VFX junkie. She watches him as he adds effects! How cute he is! He looks very serious as he makes up really awful ways to show the hatred between Lucy and Tizzy.

We edit late into the night. It’s 10:30PM. Ring, ring! Our good friend Stefan calls to invite us to dinner. Dinner at 10:30? Berlin is a night city! It is here that I finally learn to get over our opposing sleep schedule. In order to enjoy that dinner, I have to stay up. That’s how I find out that I too can stay up all night-my sleep schedule is not set in stone. I realize that I had put so much emphasis on how wrong Otis’s sleep schedule is. My own anger at his sleep schedule is madness. When I am mad, I am wrong! Mad is wrong!

The prostitute says, “There you go! Let a man sleep!”

Lucy nods, “Alright, stop bitching! I will let Tizzy sleep.”


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